I wish I had taken a before picture because she was THAT pretty
but, I knew I couldn’t, I just absolutely wouldn’t get attached.
Not this time.
Not again.

I patiently turned to proud as can be Husband with my gut-wrenching plea of WHY ??????
WHY did you bring her here ??
You KNOW what I am.
You KNOW what I do.
Her destiny is written in stone.

His confidence oozed as he declared that THIS time and THIS one would be different
& besides, a lady was giving them away for free
& how could he pass up FREE ??


‘Well, THIS one is on YOU, fella’, I ever so calmly retorted.
I take no responsibility.
You hear me ??!??

Husband laughed an ‘ok ok ok’ and that was the end of that.
Until today.
Today, I weep as I witness what has become of her simple beauty
& today,
I confess, I admit, I acknowledge.

I am …. A Fern Killer.

I said it.
& I know it’s awful.
But, it’s the truth.
The honest to goodness, awful truth.

Try as I might
& I swear, I have mightily tried
I have never met a fern I didn’t annihilate.

That’s the word that best describes what I do to that unique greenness.
Slow, horrific, just kill me now !! torture.

I don’t know what it is.
Any other plant and I get along just fine.
I have many lovelies all around this house.
I ADORE ferns.
I think they are one of the most delightful creations in this whole, wide, wonderful world.

Until they get to me.
Then, it’s just pure ugly

& every time I see a perfectly shaped and happy fern, I am reminded of my father-in-law.
The man was a pied piper.
Beautiful, healthy, thriving ferns seemed to follow that guy around.
He loved them
& they loved him back.

Father-in-Law never quite understood my fern woes, though.
He would gently advise that ferns are the easiest plants of them all.
They don’t need much.
Sunlight, water
& ta da !!

Time after time that man would hand over one of his beloved buddies because Father-in Law was continually confident that I would succeed in my ‘I Will Not Kill This’ quest.
& yep
Time after horrible time, I would destroy yet another innocent.
Until one day, he offered no more.


Oh fern, this fern.
Forgive me.
It seems we cannot coexist, we don’t dare share the same space.
I TRULY apologize for your demise.

Oh and uh Husband ?
Husband ??



I Am My Feelings