Ferned
I wish I had taken a before picture because she was THAT pretty
but, I knew I couldn’t, I just absolutely wouldn’t get attached.
Nope.
Not this time.
Not again.
I patiently turned to proud as can be Husband with my gut-wrenching plea of WHY ??????
WHY did you bring her here ??
You KNOW what I am.
You KNOW what I do.
Her destiny is written in stone.
His confidence oozed as he declared that THIS time and THIS one would be different
& besides, a lady was giving them away for free
& how could he pass up FREE ??
um.
yeah.
‘Well, THIS one is on YOU, fella’, I ever so calmly retorted.
I take no responsibility.
None.
You hear me ??!??
NONE.
Husband laughed an ‘ok ok ok’ and that was the end of that.
Until today.
Today, I weep as I witness what has become of her simple beauty
& today,
I confess, I admit, I acknowledge.
I am …. A Fern Killer.
There.
I said it.
& I know it’s awful.
But, it’s the truth.
The honest to goodness, awful truth.
Try as I might
& I swear, I have mightily tried
I have never met a fern I didn’t annihilate.
Torture.
That’s the word that best describes what I do to that unique greenness.
Slow, horrific, just kill me now !! torture.
I don’t know what it is.
Any other plant and I get along just fine.
I have many lovelies all around this house.
&
I ADORE ferns.
I think they are one of the most delightful creations in this whole, wide, wonderful world.
Until they get to me.
Then, it’s just pure ugly
& every time I see a perfectly shaped and happy fern, I am reminded of my father-in-law.
The man was a pied piper.
Beautiful, healthy, thriving ferns seemed to follow that guy around.
He loved them
& they loved him back.
Father-in-Law never quite understood my fern woes, though.
He would gently advise that ferns are the easiest plants of them all.
They don’t need much.
Sunlight, water
& ta da !!
Time after time that man would hand over one of his beloved buddies because Father-in Law was continually confident that I would succeed in my ‘I Will Not Kill This’ quest.
& yep
Time after horrible time, I would destroy yet another innocent.
Until one day, he offered no more.
sniffle.
Oh fern, this fern.
Forgive me.
It seems we cannot coexist, we don’t dare share the same space.
I TRULY apologize for your demise.
Oh and uh Husband ?
Husband ??
um.
yeah.
🙂
