Counting Crickets
When I very first entered the strange but addicting world of social media waaaaaay back in 2009, I was very concerned about likes and shares
and on the rare occasion where I would actually update my status, I’d forever be checking it. Did others agree with my words enough to add their comments ? OHMYGOSH, how many thumbs-ups are on my picture ??
Am I LIKED ?
I swear I was back in high school.
! I’m popular !
YaY
When I began posting stories and poems my agonizing increased because this meant I was putting a very personal portion of me out there for all my friends to see.
It became not will they LIKE, but will they LIKE this extremely private part of me that few have ever seen
& in the beginning, I would literally run for cover every time I tossed my writings on Facebook.
Here you go !
& here I hide.
Then along came my diary of daily rambles. It took a long while to get my footing, but this blog has brought it’s share of internal grief too.
You see, I wanted to be read and enjoyed, but I didn’t want to be the one in charge.
I would write my words tucked safely behind a place where no one I knew could see me and here I could launch my thoughts into the universe with no worries or wonders if I was acknowledged or not.
Younger Brother took up my cause and started posting my writings as his status and even though time and time again I would plead Don’t bother !! No One Cares ! ! he’d doggedly continue sharing my words.
Husband actually broke down and signed onto ‘the Book’ just so he too could pass along my babbles because THIS is how much it pained me to put myself out there.
Blank stares, roaring silence and ouch !! those doggone crickets.
If not for some very loyal people and the infamous words of KEEP DOING I’d have stopped a long time ago.
I give up.
The End.
But something strange and wonderful happened to me in this long, arduous process.
I grew strong
& brave.
I suppose it comes from the transparency of it all.
Five and a half years of telling the blogger world of my miscellaneous this and that’s has changed me, it strengthened me big time
& one wonderful day I just woke up and realized! hey ! I AM worthy !
& yes ! I should be sharing my stuff.
I’m not hiding anymore
& it is absolutely invigorating.
I’m free of the worries, the wonders, the nobody cares.
Will they LIKE me ??
I hope so.
But if they don’t, that’s cool too cause I like me
no matter what those crickets say.
🙂