Say What ??

When it comes to shelving, stuffing and sweeping words under the rug, I’m quite the professional because sometimes, most times, it’s just easier that way.

Don’t rock the boat. Don’t bother, disturb or question. What’s the use ?? There’s no point.
And when I look back, I can count sooooo many times where I’ve stopped, I’ve paused, I’ve second guessed and suppressed what I wanted, needed, should have said.
And the older I get, the more I wonder, why ?

Why ?

Maybe the timing wasn’t right ? Maybe I was afraid ? Maybe I was too concerned about nameless feelings or unknown reactions.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

& who knows ? but for whatever reason, throughout my whole, entire existence on this planet, I have found it much, much easier to jot my thoughts, ’cause vocalizing ?
Yikes.
That’s just too darn hard.

And then, there are those handful of times I mustered up the courage and let the words spill.
Honest.
Heartfelt.
Excruciating, but THERE, I said it.
And ain’t it funny how I can remember every, teeny detail from those particular moments, but ask me what I had for dinner yesterday … ?
ha
& how I wish I could rewind time, take a few of those spoken sentences back, reshape and hand them over with a here ya go,  I meant it more like this  …
urgh.

Truth be told, I’m a tad envious of those who put it all on the table, show those emotional cards, just SAY what they’re thinking and damn the consequences.
60+ and I’m getting there, but will I ever be there there ?? Do I even WANT to be there there ??
hmmm

For now, I spill my beans here,

here

here

& here.

For those who take the time to visit this space, you’ll be gifted the little, bitty bit of me I will most likely never, ever utter out loud.

So.
YaY.

Thanks for caring enough to show up every day, thanks for understanding where I’m coming from, thanks for getting this human being dubbed ME.

I appreciate you more than I can say,
but write ??
uh-huh.
I can do that.

🙂

shy